Deep thoughts ... by Sarah Gray

Do hypnotists have to take an oath? You know, like the ones doctor's take? Basically that they have to use their powers only for good?

'Cause if I was a hypnotist, and I had kids, I would definitely being trying to find a loop hole.

These are the kind of random thought that cross my mind - and sometimes pop out of my mouth ... usually only to my husband.

But seriously, do they?

I'm not saying kids should be walking around like zombies obeying our every command, but wouldn't it be nice to just be able to say the word "Cowabunga" or "Pumpernickel" and your kids would just stop what they were doing and start cleaning up their toys, or stop bickering with each other or finish eating  their dinner? (Of course then your kid would never be able to work in a bakery.)

I'm not saying I would use it all the time, but on those nights when you are completely frazzled, the kids have been at each other's throats for hours and all you want is for them to move slightly faster then a snail's pace cleaning up their toys to be able to say something like "purple monkey toes" and they would start actually putting toys away. (And not just moving toys around like they really do, so in a fit of exasperation YOU actually put them away. Don't let their cute little faces fool you, kids are sneaky.)

Of course it would have to be a word that people don't say all the time like "Lindsay Lohan's Oscar" or "delicious liver and onions." If it was something common like "No" or "Stop it" or "Quite hitting your sister," your kid would be making and remaking every bed in Bed, Bath and Beyond.

It would probably be pretty easy to do, too. Once you got your child to sit still long enough to actually look into your eyes or be quiet and concentrate. Wait, what? Get a kid to sit still and concentrate? Only if Spongebob was on ... That must be where they get us. No kid could sit long enough to actually be manipulated that way. Well played kids, well played ....

But maybe we could use it on spouses .... I know it wouldn't break my heart if I didn't have to push my husband's chair in at the table anymore ...

Quick, honey ... look deeeeeep into my eyes ... connnnncentrate .... you are getting sleeeeepy ... wait, no, now I'M getting sleepy ... what was I trying to do again? ... Zzzzzzz ....