Anything you can do I can do better

Yesterday my daughter hung this on the refrigerator:

There are so many things that I like about this. I love that my seven-year-old is giving ninja lessons (because she is SUCH an expert). I love that she put a very specific day and time on the flyer to ensure her students' skills were honed on a regular basis. And I love that she spelled lessons wrong (because she is seven and they usually spell words wrong.)

There is one thing however, that I kinda wish wasn't there. The "For Boys Only" part. It seems a little ironic to me that a girl teaching a class on ninjas is excluding her own gender. I am sure that this was added just to keep out my youngest. Being only two, I'm sure it was assumed she couldn't keep up with the rigorous demands of ninja training. Or maybe she was just annoying them last night and they wanted to exclude her. The latter seems much more plausible.

While it seems silly for me to take issue with anything written on my daughter's cute, benign little sign the exclusion of her sister annoyed me a little and sent my thoughts wandering (and then spiraling) down the path of gender in our society today.

I strongly believe that girls can (and should) do anything boys can do. We are all equal and should be treated the same. The marketing world, however, has yet to receive that memo. Just walk down a toy aisle and you will see the glaring reality on how the world perceives girls and boys. Girl aisles are doused in pink and purple (but mostly every shade of pink). Boys aisles have a color too - it's just not so glaring.

Don't get me wrong I love pink. And my daughters have many, many (many) pink things. Toys and dolls, cameras, brushes ... Suffice to say 75 percent of my daughters trickety toys are pink. They like the Disney Princesses and I am fine with that. They balance it out with having Light Sabers and having Star Wars battles in the living room.

We have a lot of "girl" toys at our house, yes. Then we have "girl" toys that really don't have to be so gender specific. This year for Christmas and then for her birthday my oldest received Goldi Bloxs. It is relatively new toy out on the market to help create interest in engineering in girls. It is a wonderful product and my daughter loves it and I hope it does foster her skills in engineering and math. But does it have to be pink?

It's like the Legos and Duplos out there for girls that consist mainly of pink, purple and pastel colored blocks and build bakeries, supermarkets and pet salons. Why is just about every thing for girls pink? Why does a girls science experiment kit have to make bath beads and facial scrubs?

I am sure there has been excessive market research done on how girls gravitate toward the pinks and purples and these companies are just trying to attract the most customers. Can't say that I blame them there. If girls buy items that are pink and purple why not make your product one of those two colors (and usually that color is pink)?

I know girls could learn the same skills if the blocks were blue or green or turquoise. So I guess it is really up to us as parents to not pigeon hole them in the gender roles (and colors) that seem to bear down so heavily on us and them.

I know 90 percent of who they become and how they view themselves in the world come from their home life and much of that is directly from me. How I present myself, what I say, what I don't say, how I react to situations - they take all that in whether I know it or not and it crafts who they are. If I constantly critique and bash my appearance, my daughters will see that and I will be training them to be over critical of their own bodies and place more importance on their looks then their brains. If I make off-handed jokes on how bad I am at math they will think they will be bad at math and just stop trying.

I know that I am sending mixed messages when I ohh and ahh over the way they look in dresses or paint their fingernails. It's a constant battle and I know most of the time I am losing.

Recently I read the book "Schoolgirls: Young Women, Self-Esteem and the Confidence Gap" by Peggy Orenstein. It was a very interesting read and had many dead-on points about young women and how we lose them to appearance and peer pressure. The material was a bit dated (she interviewed the girls 1994) but it still carried relevance to today's young ladies. Although I wonder how the book would be written in today's society with all it's texting, sexting, Facebooking, Instagraming, Tweeting and the like.

So what do we do? I have to say I really don't know. While I am glad there are toys and tools out there that are trying to help foster girls love for math, science and engineering, I wish that it didn't have to come in a pink box to do it. But in the end if it excites girls and educates them, why am I pushing back?

I guess all what I really want for my girls is to be independent and confident. To be comfortable with themselves and know that they can do anything they set their minds to. I want them to know that while there may be a couple of body parts that make them different than boys, their brains are just the same.

Pinkness aside, the gender gap is slowly closing and I know that being a girl now is possibly as good as it has ever been. I am so thankful and grateful for all the women who have blazed path and path for the sake of equality and maybe, just maybe by the time my great-granddaughters are born gender issues will be a non-issue.

If you are still around and read to the end, thanks! Maybe you still have time to click on the Top Mommy Blog banner at the top? Just clicking the logo votes for me. Nothing else to it! Thank you!

Numbers don't lie

Like the law of averages or the rule of threes, I have come to find that I have a number rule/law that applies to my house. I have taken to calling it the "2/3 Rule." The definition is as follows: if two of my three kids are happy, I consider it a win. Because it is nearly impossible for all three to be content/happy/not crying or yelling at the same time.

At least while the TV is off. And even then there would have to be some food involved.

And I am OK with this. Two-thirds is more then half and 0.67 is not a failing grade, close but not failing. (OK, OK I rounded up. You would, too, admit it!) 

Their moods change so rapidly and frequently throughout the day that it is difficult to keep up. The tiniest little nothing things sends them on a downward spiral and then what you think would devastate or anger them, they brush off like it is nothing. What was funny one day is not the next and what they LOVED one day they can't stand the next. So if at least two out of the three are happy at the same time, I feel like I am doing pretty good.

Now just you don't think I am an awful ogre, there times when all three get along swimmingly (usually they are up to no good, but they are quiet). And some times no one is happy. But we take what we can get. It's a tightrope we parents are walking here ...

This school year my oldest is gone all day. She hops in the bus in the morning and off in the afternoon and all I have to do is wave and smile at her wonderful bus driver who takes away all the anxiety and frustration that goes with pick-up/drop-off time at an elementary school.

While she is away I have the little two at home. My son has preschool a few hours every morning, so I even get some time every day when I am down to one. (Grocery shopping has not been this easy in a LONG time.)

But even when the little two are both home, the conflicts are at a minimum. Very little screaming, very little fighting, very little crying - and the kids well behaved too. But it seems as though the minute the bus drives away and my oldest comes bounding through the door, the trouble begins. Siblings start getting excluded, the volume increases exponentially and the physical violence begins.

Now, so you don't think that I am blaming this all on my oldest, I will stress that it doesn't matter which combination of the kids are together - as soon as the third enters the mix the problems begins.

Today for example: all three are home from school for yet ANOTHER snow day. (OK, fine - at least it is getting warmer.) After lunch the younger two go down for naps (glorious nap time!) while the oldest occupies herself. HEAVEN! Of course the nap for my son last all of 20 minutes so now he is up and starts playing with the oldest. They play a little upstairs, they play a little downstairs - they bother each other (and Mommy) very little. Then the littlest wakes up and it takes oh, about 30 seconds from her appearance in the living room before the yelling begin.

Strange phenomenon? Maybe. "2/3 Rule," definitely.

It doesn't help that my youngest changes her sibling loyalties on almost a daily basis. One day is all about her brother and it's the "little kids vs. the big bad, big sister," then the next day it's "sisters unite, girls rule and boys drool!"

The older two know it, too. They actually jockey for her affection sometimes. It's kind of funny actually and a little sad. A tiny little two-year-old with so much power.

Sometimes all that power goes to her head though and she wavers too long on her decision and ends up getting left in the dust while the older two repair whatever difference they had at that moment and go off and play together - without her. So then she cries ...

And the "2/3 Rule" goes into effect again ...

You could sure help my numbers by clicking on the Top Mommy Blog banner and the top and voting for me!! Thank you!!

I feel like I should write SOMETHING ... but WHAT?

Not feeling all that humorous or wordy today. Not quite sure why. It is actually getting warmer here (for the first time in like, forever. I'm not exaggerating either ... it has been FOREVER). The sun is shining (kinda). It's Thursday which is close to the weekend - all that jazz.

Maybe it's because I have two kids home sick. Well kinda sick. It's that weird sick where they perk up and are great one minute and looking completely pathetic the next. Not a lot of symptoms, but one or two that keep them home from school. Had to make a trip to the doctor. You know, sick ... but not miserable.

I know I am like EVERY other parent out there who feels totally horrible and helpless when their kid is sick. You wish you could just take it away, but you can't so you do the only things you know how - pamper them continuously until they are no longer able to even bring a cup to their lips without your help. (Fast forward three days later when they are all better and wanting the same treatment and all they get is a hearty laugh.)

"Sure you can eat in the living room, sure you can watch whatever you like on TV. You spilled grape juice all over the white couch? Oh, no problem, it's my fault for not bringing the cup to your mouth." (OK, I'm exaggerating here. I would NEVER own a white couch with three kids!)

With every little sound they make you check and double check to make sure they are OK. Any other day a loud thud or smack would only elicit further investigation of there was non-stop crying or bloodshed.

But when my kids look up at me with that pathetic "sick" look in their eyes, I am putty in their hands.

However, we have been sick so much this winter I am starting to feel like that crusted over piece of Play Doh you find on the floor three days later ...

May spring get its little tuckus here quick and bring us all better moods and better health. At least to my family anyway ...

If you weren't too grossed out by my dried Play Doh reference please click the Top Mommy Blog button at the top and vote for me!!

Decisions, decisions ... or lack there of ...

As most of you already know, I have three kids. My oldest, who will turn seven in a couple weeks, has always been a bit of a stubborn, willful child. If she doesn't want to do something she is not going to do it. Sure after a bit of coaxing (cough, cough bribing) she may do it, but she is clear it only because she wants to do it. Not because you are giving her a cookie.

After a bit of frustration on our part and some consultation to few parenting books/magazines/websites/parents-who-have-seen-this-before, we quickly learned that giving her choices is our best option. Letting her decide between two or three parent-approved options gives her control and us some control too.

So when my second and then third kid came along I thought I (I mean we, sorry hun) had the tricks of trade needed to navigate the "stubborn child."

I thought wrong.

When our third little bundle of joy joined our clan two-and-a-half years ago, I felt like I had just about seen it all. The first few months went by rather uneventfully (as uneventfully as having a newborn can be). Then her little personality started to come out. It wasn't long before we realized she was going to be just as stubborn and willful as her older sister. Ok, ok, we're ready. We've been through this before. The older she got, however, the more willful she became (did I mention she is only TWO-AND-A-HALF).

So here we are struggling again to figure out what to do to stop the stubbornness, stop the meltdowns. At first I tried the choices option. For example giving her two shirts to pick from to wear that day. Simple enough right? This is how is usually plays out:

Me: Which one of these shirts do you want to wear? The one with the dogs on it, or the one with the polka-dots?

Willful child: No I want to pick my OWN shirt!

Me: Which of these two shirts do you want to wear?

Willful Child: I want to pick my OWN shirt!

Repeat for the next two minutes

Me (exasperated): Do you want the dog shirt or the polka-dot shirt?

Willful child: Um ... Um ... Um ... pause ... the dog shirt

As I am putting the dog shirt on:

Willful child: No! I want the other shirt!

Me: Ok

Begin putting on the polka-dot shirt

Willful child: NO! I don't want this shirt, I want the other shirt!

This pattern goes on and on until I finally just put a shirt on her and leave the room completely frustrated and her in a tearful mess.

Now, take that little delightful conversation and apply it to just about EVERYTHING and that is what it's like to live with my two-year-old. From who puts the soap on her hands when we are washing up before a meal (me or her sister) to whether or not I had her her cup for a drink. It is quite maddening.

So, I know what you are thinking. Just don't give her choices. Yea, I have thought of that one too. Pretty much the same results, just with the tearful mess coming sooner in the conversation.

I have started calling her Little Miss Stubborn:


But I am not sure that is the best nickname. Sure, sure, I know it's a bit on the mean/teasing side, but that's not it. I'm not sure Little Miss Stubborn is an accurate description. She's not quite a waffler or a flip-flopper either - that's more in terms of politics.

I guess it doesn't really matter what the name for it is, it is definitely driving me crazy and I don't quite know what to do about it.

Hopefully she will outgrow it. I was a bit indecisive as a child too. In fact there is a famous story in my family of a time my grandparents took us out to get ice cream and I could not decide on a flavor. I just walked back and forth in front of the case looking at all the options while everyone ate their cones. My grandparents kept telling me I could have anything I wanted, but I just couldn't decide. Finally everyone was done eating and I still hadn't decided, so we left and I didn't get anything. Sad huh? My parents and grandparents felt horrible, but I just couldn't decide. It's a sad little story, but a good cautionary tale about making decisions. If you don't, you may just end up without any ice cream. Or in the case of my youngest, a shirt ...

Don't worry I can always make up my mind when it comes to ice cream now. I always get mint chocolate chip ... or Mackinaw Island Fudge ... or chocolate peanut butter ... or moose tracks ...

Aww man ... here we go again ...


Don't be indecisive about clicking on the Top Mommy Blog button at the top and vote for me!! It'll make my day!

The perfect combination?? Not so fast ...

I love infomercials. I want to buy just about every single thing I see on an infomercial. I don't, but I want to. Snuggies, Side Sockets, Ginsu Knifes .. I watch the miracles they perform on the screen and I just want to call up on operator and have them shipped to me house for the low, low price of ... well you know ...

I will say that I have purchased a few infomercial gadgets - with varying degrees of success. The Magic Bullet worked for a bit, the Ab Roller works great (as long as you actually USE it), and the Space Bags were a total bust.

I still get drawn in to the magic that is the infomercial and as much as I know that they can't possibly work as well as they claim, I just want to try it out for myself to make sure. (And drop $40-$200) in the process.

Now along with infomercials I also love bacon - I am an American after all. I love it on just about anything you can put it on -burgers, sandwiches, salads, soups, of course on its own. It is delicious, it is wonderful and I love it.




So ... when an infomercial about bacon came along you would think I would be in hog heaven (pun intended). You would think I would be the first caller to order not one, not two, but FOUR Perfect Bacon Bowls for the low, low price of just ten dollars. You would think, but ...

Not so fast ...

While I do love bacon, I am not sure that a bowl made out of it is really necessary in this world. I mean really? Is bacon really meant to be a carrying devise for other foods? (Of course this is America, so is half of what we sell out there really necessary? There's a little Coffee Talk question for ya. Discuss ... )

I get the bread bowl, the tortilla bowl, even a large pieces of lettuce for holding food (it has a curvaceous shape). But bacon? I think we are stretching the limits of this wonderful super food. (Although not technically a "super food," bacon is a SUPER food). Adkins dieters are happy know doubt with this invention. They can once again eat a BLT. But even that option has me shaking my head in doubt. Bacon has it's place, it's delicious, delicious place. But I do not think it's as a bowl.

So go ahead call me a anti-bacon-ite, rescind my bacon fan club membership. I understand. I do. It doesn't make much sense to me either. I feel like I really should like this - but I just can't get on board.

That doesn't mean if you put one in front of me I wouldn't eat it ...

Don't leave just yet!! Click the Top Mommy Blog banner and the top and vote for me! I really appreciate it - and bacon does too!