After a bit of frustration on our part and some consultation to few parenting books/magazines/websites/parents-who-have-seen-this-before, we quickly learned that giving her choices is our best option. Letting her decide between two or three parent-approved options gives her control and us some control too.
So when my second and then third kid came along I thought I (I mean we, sorry hun) had the tricks of trade needed to navigate the "stubborn child."
I thought wrong.
When our third little bundle of joy joined our clan two-and-a-half years ago, I felt like I had just about seen it all. The first few months went by rather uneventfully (as uneventfully as having a newborn can be). Then her little personality started to come out. It wasn't long before we realized she was going to be just as stubborn and willful as her older sister. Ok, ok, we're ready. We've been through this before. The older she got, however, the more willful she became (did I mention she is only TWO-AND-A-HALF).
So here we are struggling again to figure out what to do to stop the stubbornness, stop the meltdowns. At first I tried the choices option. For example giving her two shirts to pick from to wear that day. Simple enough right? This is how is usually plays out:
Me: Which one of these shirts do you want to wear? The one with the dogs on it, or the one with the polka-dots?
Willful child: No I want to pick my OWN shirt!
Me: Which of these two shirts do you want to wear?
Willful Child: I want to pick my OWN shirt!
Repeat for the next two minutes
Me (exasperated): Do you want the dog shirt or the polka-dot shirt?
Willful child: Um ... Um ... Um ... pause ... the dog shirt
As I am putting the dog shirt on:
Willful child: No! I want the other shirt!
Me: Ok
Begin putting on the polka-dot shirt
Willful child: NO! I don't want this shirt, I want the other shirt!
This pattern goes on and on until I finally just put a shirt on her and leave the room completely frustrated and her in a tearful mess.
Now, take that little delightful conversation and apply it to just about EVERYTHING and that is what it's like to live with my two-year-old. From who puts the soap on her hands when we are washing up before a meal (me or her sister) to whether or not I had her her cup for a drink. It is quite maddening.
So, I know what you are thinking. Just don't give her choices. Yea, I have thought of that one too. Pretty much the same results, just with the tearful mess coming sooner in the conversation.
I have started calling her Little Miss Stubborn:
But I am not sure that is the best nickname. Sure, sure, I know it's a bit on the mean/teasing side, but that's not it. I'm not sure Little Miss Stubborn is an accurate description. She's not quite a waffler or a flip-flopper either - that's more in terms of politics.
I guess it doesn't really matter what the name for it is, it is definitely driving me crazy and I don't quite know what to do about it.
Hopefully she will outgrow it. I was a bit indecisive as a child too. In fact there is a famous story in my family of a time my grandparents took us out to get ice cream and I could not decide on a flavor. I just walked back and forth in front of the case looking at all the options while everyone ate their cones. My grandparents kept telling me I could have anything I wanted, but I just couldn't decide. Finally everyone was done eating and I still hadn't decided, so we left and I didn't get anything. Sad huh? My parents and grandparents felt horrible, but I just couldn't decide. It's a sad little story, but a good cautionary tale about making decisions. If you don't, you may just end up without any ice cream. Or in the case of my youngest, a shirt ...
Don't worry I can always make up my mind when it comes to ice cream now. I always get mint chocolate chip ... or Mackinaw Island Fudge ... or chocolate peanut butter ... or moose tracks ...
Aww man ... here we go again ...
Don't be indecisive about clicking on the Top Mommy Blog button at the top and vote for me!! It'll make my day!
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