Seven lessons I learned the hard way - but at least I learned them ... I think ...

Do you even wish you could go back to your younger self, take a firm grasp of your shoulders and just shake the living daylights out of your pipsqueak of a self?

Well, I do.

I recently turned 35. While I know that still may seem young to some people I do not consider myself to be young anymore. Sure, sure, "young at heart" and all those silly little phrases we tell ourselves to trick our minds into thinking we are still 22 instead of 33 (or in my case 35, like I said).

Nope, I am no longer a kid and I'm OK with that. Everything is not perfect and rosy by any means, but my life and more importantly my SELF is happy and exactly where I want to be.

(For instance, I am staring at a Diet Coke right now trying to figure out if I should drink it or not. It will be tasty yes, but I will also feel bloated and disgusting for the rest of the day. Something I would NEVER have had to think about when I was 22. Is it worth it? Probably not ... Back in the fridge you go, tasty friend.)

So, being able to drink carbonated beverages aside, I really don't have much desire to go back to my youth - except maybe to try to knock a little sense into my 22-year-old mind. I don't know it all now and I most certainly didn't know it all then. I learned a few these lessons the hard way (OK, ALL of them) ... and I am continuing to learn them ...

• Be careful with "always" and "never." They are easy words to say and seem to float off the tongue in the heat of anger or fear. I have learned that few things are absolute in this world. This is especially true of relationships. As with just about everything else, think before you speak. In that same vein, be careful with the word hate. Hate is a very powerful word - it should be used sparingly, if ever. "I hate peas" is not the right use for that word. You may not care for peas, you may not like peas, but when you say "I hate peas" (especially as as adult) it gives off a juvenile tone. (Can you tell I don't like peas?) Words are very powerful - very powerful - and you can't easily erase the damage you leave with a slip of the tongue.

• Doing what is right is not always easy or popular. This was a tough one for me to learn and I credit my husband with teaching me that lesson. As a people pleaser by nature, I usually went along with the crowd whether I wanted to or not. Then about three years into our marriage, my husband was put in a very difficult position. Without getting specific about the incident, it was large ethical and moral error. While many others were choosing to overlooking this error (for a variety of reasons), my amazing husband knew what had happened was wrong and went against his values, so he chose to distance himself from the situation. It did not make him popular. It did make him admirable. While I will admit this lesson is still something I struggle with, I am lucky that I have a partner that can help steer me toward the right path.

• Honesty really is the best policy. Being honest is hard, because lying or skirting the truth can be so easy. But like the boy who cried wolf, once you are caught in a lie it can be difficult to ever get that trust back. So much of who we are is based on how we are perceived and if we are not trusted or believed what does that leave us?

• Know your audience before making sweeping statements or generalizations. This goes along with the not saying always or never. You never know who you are in the room with and I have more than once put my foot in my mouth by saying some bone-headed thing, which could have easily been worded differently (and without the taste of shoe leather).

• Don't be afraid to ask for help. When I was young, I used to think that I should be able to do anything and should automatically know everything. I thought that asking for help or not knowing something made me look vulnerable or silly or stupid. I have learned over the years that people want to help - especially those who care about you. No one is expected to know everything.  Not knowing something is not a sign of weakness - and it takes strength to admit that.

• You are an adult now - act like one. Sometimes things don't go our way. Sometimes our feelings get hurt. Sometimes we get embarrassed. That doesn't mean we have pout, take our toys and go home. Put on your big girl panties and face it. It can be uncomfortable, yes, but that is part of being a "grown-up." Unfortunately there are a lot of "grown-ups" out there who don't act their age and behave like toddlers when their boat is rocked. That doesn't mean you have to. The silent treatment never solved any problems. Neither did being passive aggressive. (Shocking, I know!) Let's just say what we need to say, shall we? Admit when we are wrong, own up to our mistakes and swallow our pride. It's not easy or fun, but it will make us better people and our relationships stronger.

• Appreciate the time you are in now because you are never going to get it back. I was always one for looking forward to the next thing. "I can't wait graduate high school ... "  "I can't wait to graduate college ..." "I can't wait to get a job ... " (what was I thinking there) "I can't wait to get married ..." "I can't wait to have kids ..." While I am glad all those things happened in my life, I know now that getting there was half the fun and I think I missed out on some of that fun because I couldn't wait to get there (if that makes any sense). I have learned to enjoy the moment I am in now. I know there are many more great things to come (God willing), and I don't need to be in a rush to get there. Small moments can be just as important and big moments if you just take the time to appreciate them.

While I would love to say that I have learned all these lessons and grown and blossomed from them, I must admit I am still a work in progress (see honesty - so I'm getting there). I know I should, but life, emotions, and the difficulty of change have tripped me up more than once. I'm working on it and while I'd like to say I am doing it to become the best version of myself, I think I am mostly doing it for my kids. So maybe when they are adults they won't look back to their younger selves and want to shake themselves by the shoulders. At least not about these seven things.

I sure would love it if you clicked on the Top Mommy logo at the top and vote for me. Thank you!