New study finds we need studies to validate ourselves

I read an article a couple days ago that said it is scientifically proven that writing is good for you. I really don't know why we needed a study to confirm that fact. Of course writing is good for you. It's not like writing is a bad habit or something like smoking or eating too many doughnuts. (Which of course begs the question - how many is too many?)

It's kind of a no brainer that writing is good for you. It's a skill they teach first graders. It's something you will always have to use throughout your life. Whether you are jotting a little note in a birthday card, writing the next great American novel or throwing words out into the interweb hoping someone might read them and therefore validate yourself as a person, we all have reasons to write.

The article went on to say that people who write frequently and more specifically people who write about themselves and their feelings frequently (i.e. through journaling or a self satisfying blog, cough, cough) are able to work through their problems more quickly because they force themselves to "take a step back and evaluate their lives." (Or, in my case, try to put the most humorous spin on it.)

It makes me think of a line from one of my favorite rom-coms "French Kiss" (before Meg Ryan's face began looking cartoon-ish.) She and Kevin Klein are walking through a city in France and she is saying that he needs to talk about his feelings. She says "a healthy person is someone who expresses what they are feeling inside. Express, not repress." To which Kevin Klein's character Luc replies "In that case, you must be one of the healthiest people in the world."

Not only does writing help you mentally, it can help your physical health, too. The study stated that writing can help patients heal more quickly because it helps them make sense of events and reduce distress. It even said that blogging may trigger dopamine releases similar to the effect of running. Cool, huh? So I don't know what did more for my health today - writing this blog or going on my jog this morning. (I'd say run, but at my pace it was really more of a jog.)

Now when I don't feeling like working up a sweat (or getting out of my pajamas), I'll just waddle over the the computer and blog away. Then I'll have gotten my exercise in for the day. Or at least improved my mental and physical being a bit. And trainers everywhere give a giant eye roll. Like we needed another excuse to not exercise!

So there, I have now successfully worked my mind and body, just by sitting here on my tukus typing away, And my fingers didn't even cramp!

Now if only a study would get released that said reading someones blog was the equivalent to 100 sit-ups then I could say you got just as much out of this blog post as I did ...

Maybe it'll be only 10 sit-ups, but still, it's better than nothing!

You could increase my dopamine even more my click on the Top Mommy blog logo at the top to vote for me! Thank you so much! You look thinner already! 

Back to school blues?

When you are a stay-at-home mom (or whatever PC term is being used these days) there really is no such thing as summer vacation. All the days just seem to melt together.

So when my oldest started school a few years ago I began to see what is was like to have a few hours of one less kid in the house. Last year I got to see that magic times two when my son started preschool. And this year, well, this year all three of my adorable, sweet, very loud children will be attending school.

The little one will only be gone a few hours each morning, but still it is a couple hours all to myself. I might even be able to have a coherent thought, or finish a cup of coffee while it’s still hot. But let’s not get greedy, Sarah.

I envision trips to the grocery store where I don’t have to tell a child to put something down or come back here (at least not without getting some strange looks). I might actually get my hair cut – something I have only gotten around to doing once since we moved here a year ago (that one I’ll take the heat on, but still it will be nice). I even might get to write an entire article for this publication start to finish without being interrupted a dozen times.

So while many parents may dread the start of the school year and their kids going back to school – I must admit I won’t. I love my kids I really do, but after four months of the yelling and fighting and complaining and whining I won’t shed too many tears when they skip off to their classrooms. Luckily there has been plenty of smiling and hugs and laughter as well.

Plus I am happy to say they are all completely ready to go. My soon-to-be second grader has been asking when school was going to start since the end of July. My son is excited to be going the “big kid” school for pre-K and my youngest was so excited to start preschool that it was her main motivation to become potty trained. (Thank you Ms. Jen! We are now diaper free for the first time in seven and a half years!)

I know I should be sad and I will admit that there is a small part of me that is. No more babies at home. No more snuggling on the couch in our pajamas on a Tuesday or spontaneous stops at the bakery for a doughnut on a Thursday.  I know I will miss the tiny little hand grabbing mine as we walk across the parking lot.

But I know I am lucky that I DID get all that time with them and while I may hold back a tear as my older kids climb on that big yellow school bus and my youngest hangs her new backpack on her hook for the very first time, I realize they are growing up and this is just the next step in our lives.

That brings me to another realization – Mama needs a job!

I'd like to say I've been on vacation, but ...

So HOW many weeks has it been since I posted last? Two? Three? Did you even notice?

Well, it IS summer, so schedules have been off, we've been busy and ... aww, forget it, even I'M not buying that.

Truth is I've been lazy., Yup, I said it lazy. I'm not ashamed. (Well OK, I'm a little ashamed.) It's true though. I'd like to say I've been SO swamped with all the fun summer activities we've been scampering off to that I simply have not had time to sit down and blog (you can use blog as a verb right?). But no, I've been piddling around online watch YouTube clips, reading blogs and of course spending WAY to much time on Facebook.



Mother of the Year award - right here!

My kids have had loads to time to play outside and use their imaginations because I am not hauling them hither and yon in an effort to entertain them. Bikes and balls and sidewalk chalk are sufficient toys for a seven, four and three-year-old. (They seem to have a HUGE fascination with our watering cans, too.)

We have not just been cooped up at home though. Just now I asked my kids if they wanted to go to the park today or tomorrow. The girls picked today and of course the boy picked tomorrow. He started to whine about it then said "I'll be upset unless you let me sit in the back."

Did he just threaten me? You get an "A" for effort in manipulation, but it won't work on me. Scream a throw a fit it you must. I'm sure if it doesn't come from you it will from one of your sisters at SOME point today. It always does ...

I love 'em, but mercy me are they LOUD! And stubborn! And smart-mouthed. Annnnnnnd , they got all that from me, so I have no one to blame but myself. (See why I turn to YouTube? I NEED that hamster smiling through the wood chips so I don't lose my mind.)

The count down to school begins and thankfully all my kids are as excited about the first day as I am (I'm sure they are sick of ME too!). This year all my kiddos will be in school at least part time which will be strange but also good.

I'd like to say that means I'll be writing most posts for your amusement and criticism. I'd like to say that, but with all this free time I might start playing this Candy Crush Saga everyone keeps inviting me to play ...

Maybe I'll talk to you again around Halloween ...

I know it's been awhile, but you can still vote for me! Just click on the Top Mommy Logo at the top. Thank you!

At least they are dressed right?

Should I feel bad that it is 11:30 in the morning and my girls are still in their pajamas? It is summer vacation after all and they are playing inside and everything. (I wouldn't knowingly let the kids play outside in their pjs.)

Plus they are all playing nicely in the basement together which let me tell you is RARE. So why upset things? Why rock the boat? Why upset the apple cart?

Why risk getting screamed at?

Because peace harmony and most of all quiet are very precious in this house and I would have to be some kind of masochist to knowing go into the lion's den and risk the wrath that is ...

You probably think that my kids are the worse human beings on the planet. That or I have extremely low tolerance for kid behavior. OK, I may be exaggerating a bit, but this summer has been eye opening for me.

And now I illustrate: I just brought all the kids up to eat lunch and a fight has broken off as to who the top half and who got the bottom half OF A BANANA! I am not joking either I just had to fib to my youngest and tell her she also go the top half  of the banana - even though it really went to my son. (Never mind that I have explained to them time and again that the top half and the bottom have LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME!)

Ahh summer ... I'm not really looking forward to school starting, but I'm not necessarily dreading it either ...

I know it's been awhile, but if you still like what I have to say (brief as it is today) click the Top Mommy Logo at the top and vote for me. Next time I write more - a bit distracted today ...
 

Drum roll please ...

I have been hesitant to write this post for awhile - didn't want to jinx myself.

But it has been almost three weeks now, so I think we are in the clear.

Drum roll please ......

I am proud to announce that the Gray family is officially ..... DIAPER FREE!!!!















(Thought I was gonna say something else for a second there didn't ya? Probably scared a couple of you - including my husband!)

Hey, being diaper free is no small thing. We have been buying and changing (and buying and changing) diapers and pull-ups for seven and a half years now. That's a long time. Sometimes I thought we were never going to get there. Many times in fact. While I was assured by every parent with older kids I met that "it will happen," and "they won't go to college wearing diapers," I wasn't so sure. There were brief moments of shear frustration that I thought MY child would be the first college freshman in Dora Pull-ups (provided they made some in her size).

I will freely admit that I am a bad potty-training parent. There are some parents I know (or have been told about) that are great at it. They can train their child like in 10 minutes or a half a day or something really obnoxious like that. Some parents who take little potty chairs wherever they go for their child. Some parents who let their child run around the house naked and go whenever wherever to figure out when and where to properly go.

I was not one of those parents. I am not condemning those parents - if those methods work for you that's great. I was not up for that. I was too forgetful/lazy/grossed out to do that. I really hate cleaning up potty messes so the idea of letting my child make them ON PURPOSE instead of accidentally was not appealing.

Plus I'd get frustrated and give up easily. I would try with my kid for a few days, but if they were being exceptionally stubborn (like sitting on the potty for 20 minutes with no result only to have them go on the floor five seconds after they stood up) I would end up putting them back in a diaper by the end of day two. I was just an inconsistent frustrated potty trainer. It's really a wonder they became potty-trained at all.

It didn't help that I have three extremely strong-will children either. (Cough, cough, I have no idea where they go THAT from cough, cough). The candy bribes didn't work, the "potty prizes" didn't work, even the threat of not being able to go to preschool (which my youngest wanted more than anything) was not enough to get her to go. She was gonna go when she was good and ready damnit and no parent, grandparent, teacher or pediatrician (hey, I'm not ashamed, I was grasping at straws here) was going to push her before she was ready.

But now we've cleared that hurdle. For days my husband and I would look at each other and ask "are we over the hump? Is she really potty-trained now?" We kept expecting a back slide, but so far none have come. I do expect an accident or two - that's just natural, but I think I can let out the deep breath I have been holding in for the past few weeks (and that is not just from being at the receiving end of a messy diaper).

So, no more diaper bags to pack. No more calculating the number of diapers I might need on any given outing based on duration away from the house (I should only need three, so I'll take six). No more panic when I realize I only have two wipes left and my kid is making that "funny face" under the slide at the playground.

Now it is replaced with the panic of "can we get to the bathroom in time?"  And thoughts like "She should only need two pairs of underwear for this trip - I'll pack six. Can she hold it until the rest stop or do we need to pull off on the freeway?"  

But I will take those worries over a messy diaper any day.

Sorry for all the potty talk, but if you wouldn't mind clicking on the Top Mommy Logo at the top and voting for me I promise my next post will be completely void of the word "potty." Thanks!

Seven lessons I learned the hard way - but at least I learned them ... I think ...

Do you even wish you could go back to your younger self, take a firm grasp of your shoulders and just shake the living daylights out of your pipsqueak of a self?

Well, I do.

I recently turned 35. While I know that still may seem young to some people I do not consider myself to be young anymore. Sure, sure, "young at heart" and all those silly little phrases we tell ourselves to trick our minds into thinking we are still 22 instead of 33 (or in my case 35, like I said).

Nope, I am no longer a kid and I'm OK with that. Everything is not perfect and rosy by any means, but my life and more importantly my SELF is happy and exactly where I want to be.

(For instance, I am staring at a Diet Coke right now trying to figure out if I should drink it or not. It will be tasty yes, but I will also feel bloated and disgusting for the rest of the day. Something I would NEVER have had to think about when I was 22. Is it worth it? Probably not ... Back in the fridge you go, tasty friend.)

So, being able to drink carbonated beverages aside, I really don't have much desire to go back to my youth - except maybe to try to knock a little sense into my 22-year-old mind. I don't know it all now and I most certainly didn't know it all then. I learned a few these lessons the hard way (OK, ALL of them) ... and I am continuing to learn them ...

• Be careful with "always" and "never." They are easy words to say and seem to float off the tongue in the heat of anger or fear. I have learned that few things are absolute in this world. This is especially true of relationships. As with just about everything else, think before you speak. In that same vein, be careful with the word hate. Hate is a very powerful word - it should be used sparingly, if ever. "I hate peas" is not the right use for that word. You may not care for peas, you may not like peas, but when you say "I hate peas" (especially as as adult) it gives off a juvenile tone. (Can you tell I don't like peas?) Words are very powerful - very powerful - and you can't easily erase the damage you leave with a slip of the tongue.

• Doing what is right is not always easy or popular. This was a tough one for me to learn and I credit my husband with teaching me that lesson. As a people pleaser by nature, I usually went along with the crowd whether I wanted to or not. Then about three years into our marriage, my husband was put in a very difficult position. Without getting specific about the incident, it was large ethical and moral error. While many others were choosing to overlooking this error (for a variety of reasons), my amazing husband knew what had happened was wrong and went against his values, so he chose to distance himself from the situation. It did not make him popular. It did make him admirable. While I will admit this lesson is still something I struggle with, I am lucky that I have a partner that can help steer me toward the right path.

• Honesty really is the best policy. Being honest is hard, because lying or skirting the truth can be so easy. But like the boy who cried wolf, once you are caught in a lie it can be difficult to ever get that trust back. So much of who we are is based on how we are perceived and if we are not trusted or believed what does that leave us?

• Know your audience before making sweeping statements or generalizations. This goes along with the not saying always or never. You never know who you are in the room with and I have more than once put my foot in my mouth by saying some bone-headed thing, which could have easily been worded differently (and without the taste of shoe leather).

• Don't be afraid to ask for help. When I was young, I used to think that I should be able to do anything and should automatically know everything. I thought that asking for help or not knowing something made me look vulnerable or silly or stupid. I have learned over the years that people want to help - especially those who care about you. No one is expected to know everything.  Not knowing something is not a sign of weakness - and it takes strength to admit that.

• You are an adult now - act like one. Sometimes things don't go our way. Sometimes our feelings get hurt. Sometimes we get embarrassed. That doesn't mean we have pout, take our toys and go home. Put on your big girl panties and face it. It can be uncomfortable, yes, but that is part of being a "grown-up." Unfortunately there are a lot of "grown-ups" out there who don't act their age and behave like toddlers when their boat is rocked. That doesn't mean you have to. The silent treatment never solved any problems. Neither did being passive aggressive. (Shocking, I know!) Let's just say what we need to say, shall we? Admit when we are wrong, own up to our mistakes and swallow our pride. It's not easy or fun, but it will make us better people and our relationships stronger.

• Appreciate the time you are in now because you are never going to get it back. I was always one for looking forward to the next thing. "I can't wait graduate high school ... "  "I can't wait to graduate college ..." "I can't wait to get a job ... " (what was I thinking there) "I can't wait to get married ..." "I can't wait to have kids ..." While I am glad all those things happened in my life, I know now that getting there was half the fun and I think I missed out on some of that fun because I couldn't wait to get there (if that makes any sense). I have learned to enjoy the moment I am in now. I know there are many more great things to come (God willing), and I don't need to be in a rush to get there. Small moments can be just as important and big moments if you just take the time to appreciate them.

While I would love to say that I have learned all these lessons and grown and blossomed from them, I must admit I am still a work in progress (see honesty - so I'm getting there). I know I should, but life, emotions, and the difficulty of change have tripped me up more than once. I'm working on it and while I'd like to say I am doing it to become the best version of myself, I think I am mostly doing it for my kids. So maybe when they are adults they won't look back to their younger selves and want to shake themselves by the shoulders. At least not about these seven things.

I sure would love it if you clicked on the Top Mommy logo at the top and vote for me. Thank you!

Sure I can blather on and on ... but can I write?

Writer's block can motivate you to some really not-so-fun tasks.

Like cleaning your toilet. Or washing the floors. Or cleaning your seven-year-old's desk.

Yes, I have done all those things and more today in my advanced stage of writers block.

But you are writing this blog, you say. So you can't really have writers block.

OK, maybe technically you are right (smarty pants) but see, this wasn't the writing for which I am blocked. The writing for which I am blocked is for a magazine I freelance for. (A wonderful publication called Simply Hers - you should check it out sometime at simplyhers.net.)

To be truthful, I'm not super excited about the topic. Plus the information has been kind of a pain in the butt to gather. And to top it off, I don't have my first line yet. Silly as it may be, I can't write until I have my first sentence hammered out. Sure I try, but it never works. Once I have that first line - it all seems to flow from there. Any other writers (or wanna-be writers like me) have a silly quirk like that?

So here, I sit, typing away, saying virtually nothing, do anything BUT writing that bleepin' story. I cleaned out the kids' humidifiers, which I am ashamed to say have been sitting in their rooms for WEEKS needing to be cleaned and put away. I went to town on the grout in the shower - which I really don't like cleaning (especially when you live in a house with hard water). I even cleaned the kitchen sink for Pete's sake (that poor Pete, he never get a break). I don't mean I washed the dishes in the sink, I mean I literally cleaned the sink. Got out the baking soda and scrubbed it down. I also dusted and vacuumed the entire house - including the basement. Now I'm tired AND have writer's block.

I guess I am proud that I didn't sit on the couch watching TV instead. Believe me I wanted to, but there was nothing good on. I don't care too much about Kim Kardashian or the rest of her famous-for-nothing family, I have been off Days of Our Lives for well over a year now and cooking shows just make me hungry. (By the way, did you know that when you spell check Kardashian you get suggestions for cardigan, dashing and Cartesian?) I am however currently on the time suck that is Pintrest looking at ways you can clean your jewelry at home.

Looks like my story isn't getting done today - maybe after the kids go to bed. Maybe after I have had a glass of wine (or two). Gotta get those creative juices flowing somehow.

Oh well, I usually work well under deadline.

It would really help get my creative juices flowing if you click on the Top Mommy Logo at the top and vote for me. You're the best!